President Harris’s Brilliant Plan: Solve Homelessness with Pizza Boxes While Migrants Get the Four Seasons

Nov.29th 2028 Kamala stands with extra cheese with yeast loaf crust to deliver her Pizza box hut house address

New York City, NY— November 29th 2028

In a bold new initiative to solve the homeless crisis for America’s rapidly disappearing middle class and veterans, New York City officials, led by the ever-compassionate President Kamala Harris, have begun collecting old pizza boxes to use as construction material for the latest government-sponsored housing project: "Pizza box Homes"!

Yes, you heard that right. While illegal migrants are whisked away to luxurious hotels complete with room service and mints on their pillows, American citizens are being gifted the latest in eco-friendly, sustainable living—pizza box homes. Forget the American dream of a white picket fence; the future is corrugated, greasy, and comes with a side of marinara.

Newly implemented building material recycle recovery units placed city wide.

Kamala Harris, fresh off her victory lap as the savior of migrants everywhere, couldn’t be more thrilled. “This is what compassion looks like,” she beamed in her latest press conference, standing in front of a towering stack of discarded pizza boxes. “We’re reducing waste, housing our citizens, and keeping Domino’s in business. It’s a win-win-win!”

As New Yorkers stumble over their broken dreams and into their new cardboard condos, they can rest easy knowing that their sacrifice is not in vain. The city has assured everyone that these pizza box homes are temporary, just until the last slice of dignity is gone, and then they’ll upgrade to something more permanent—like moving them to a landfill in New Jersey.

Because I'm only a torso my new Harris home only needed 6 old pizza boxes.

Meanwhile, across town, illegal migrants are receiving golden tickets—housing vouchers that open the doors to the city’s finest accommodations. These lucky individuals, who bravely crossed the border and survived harrowing weeks without a single Instagram post, are finally getting the reward they deserve. Harris, ever the humanitarian, has ensured they also receive free healthcare, legal assistance, and English lessons with an emphasis on how to say “thank you” and “where’s my check?”

Local veterans and middle-class families, once the backbone of America, now line up outside pizza parlors, waiting for the next big delivery. Every box is a potential wall, every crust the foundation of a new beginning. “It’s amazing what you can build with enough pepperoni boxes,” said one optimistic former teacher-turned-construction worker. “I’m just hoping for a deep-dish shipment next week; we could really use the extra support.”

While generally safe, these pizza box slums do have plenty of angry old guys...Can you blame them? They aren't drug addicts or anything but under President Harris most of there check goes back into the opportunity economy

Delivering her best “I’m just here to help” grin while standing on a stage made entirely of stacked pizza boxes. In her hand, she holds a key—symbolic, of course, since there’s no need for locks when you live in a tent city. The crowd cheers, waving their government-issued plastic forks in the air.

As the tents go up and the pizza boxes pile higher, New Yorkers are left to wonder: Is this really the America they imagined? One thing’s for sure: when the final slice is gone, and the last box is used, we’ll all be asking, “Hey, does anyone have any extra sauce?”

Until then, let’s all raise a slice to Kamala Harris, the patron saint of pizza box housing. She may not be able to fix the economy or secure the border, but she sure knows how to recycle.

And in this new, progressive America, isn’t that what really matters?